Right Punditry

"The heart of the wise inclines to the right, but the heart of the fool to the left." Ecclesiastes 10:2

Final Warning: Don’t Mess With Texas Drivers … and remember, it’s legal to be armed in Texas

dallas tx freeway

Yep, it’s an actual overview of a Dallas “freeway intersection” . . and TDOT is building more. We don’t like’um much either.

“For all my friends and family that have never ventured to Dallas, Daalis, or Dallus, here is an aerial view of one of the major mix masters (highways intersecting) that is fairly close to where we live.

Driving in Dallas…… First you must learn to pronounce the city name. It is DAL-LUS, or DAA-LIS depending on if you live inside or outside LBJ Freeway.

Next, if your Mapsco is more than a few weeks old, throw it out and buy a new one. If in Denton County and your Mapsco is one-day-old, then it is already obsolete. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. (Frisco has screwed everything up.)

Dallas has its own version of traffic rules… “Hold on and pray.”
There is no such thing as a dangerous high-speed chase in Dallas . We all drive like that.

All directions start with, “Get on Beltline,” which has no beginning and no end. (It REALLY DOESN’T!!!)

The morning rush hour is from 6 to 10. The evening rush hour is from 3 to 7. Friday’s rush hour starts Thursday morning.

If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear-ended, cussed out and possibly shot. When you are the first one on the starting line, count to five when the light turns green before going to avoid crashing with all the drivers running the red light in cross-traffic.

Construction on Central Expressway is a way of life and a permanent form of entertainment. We had sooo much fun with that, we have added George Bush Freeway and the High Five to the mix.

All unexplained sights are explained by the phrase, “Oh, we’re in Fort Worth !”

If someone actually has his or her turn signal on, it is probably a factory defect. Car horns are actually “Road Rage” indicators – and remember, it’s legal to be armed in Texas ..

All old ladies with blue hair in a Mercedes have the right of way. Period. And remember, it’s legal to be armed in Texas ..

Inwood Road, Plano Road, NW Highway, East Grand, Garland Road, Marsh Lane, Josey Lane, 15th Street, Preston Road all mysteriously change names as you cross intersections (these are only a FEW examples). The perfect example is what is MOSTLY known as Plano Road . On the south end, it is known as Lake Highlands Drive, cross Northwest Highway and it becomes Plano Road, go about 8 miles and it is briefly Greenville Ave, Ave K, and Highway 5. It ends in Sherman …

The North Dallas Tollway is our daily version of NASCAR. The minimum acceptable speed on the Dallas North Toll Road is 85 mph. Anything less is considered downright sissy. It also ends in Sherman .

If asking directions in Irving, Oak Cliff or SE Dallas , you must have knowledge of Spanish. If in central Richardson or on Harry Hines, Mandarin Chinese will be your best bet. If you stop to ask directions on Gaston or Live Oak, you better be armed… and remember, it’s legal to be armed in Texas

The wrought iron on windows near Oak Cliff and Fair Park is not ornamental!!

A trip across town east to west will take a minimum of four hours, although many north/south freeways have unposted minimum speeds of 75.

It is possible to be driving WEST in the NORTH-bound lane of EAST NORTHWEST Highway . Don’t let this confuse you.

LBJ is called “The Death Trap” for two reasons: “death” and “trap.”

If it’s 100 degrees, Thanksgiving must be next weekend. If it’s 10 degrees and sleeting/snowing, the Fort Worth Stock Show is going on. If it has rained 6 inches in the last hour, the Byron Nelson Golf Classic is in the second round (if it’s Spring) – and it is the Texas State Fair if it’s Fall.

If you go to the Fair, pay the $15.00 to park INSIDE Fair Park . Parking elsewhere could cost up to $2500 for damages, towing fees, parking tickets, and possibly a gunshot wound. If some guy with a flag tries to get you to park in his yard, run over him.

Any amusement parks, stadiums, arenas, racetracks, airports, etc., are conveniently located as far away from EVERYTHING as possible so as to allow for ample parking on grassy areas.

Final Warning: Don’t Mess With Texas Drivers … remember, it’s legal to be armed in Texas.”

I don’t know what actually wrote this bit, but it’s extremely funny . . . and more than accurate. Gotta love Texas, folks! Just remember, freeways used to be ‘open range’ and we haven’t forgotten!

And I’m not sure why the emphases on the pronunciation of “Dallas”, which I’ve never heard any way other than: Dall-us. But don’t ya dare do the unforgivable of pronouncing ‘Houston’ — “HOUSE-ston”, or ‘rodeo’, “ROW-DAY-O”. It just ain’t done. . . and it IS legal to be armed in Texas.

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6 comments on “Final Warning: Don’t Mess With Texas Drivers … and remember, it’s legal to be armed in Texas

  1. Jim Zee
    February 20, 2015

    This is scream funny and a good reason to stay OUT of large cities altogether. Boston drivers and traffic are very similar to those described above, and I won’t even get into what it’s like in New York City. Of course, here we have infamous “roundabouts” and if you’re caught in the inner lane of the legendary Portsmouth roundie at rush hour, your mate can have you declared legally dead.

    Here in rural Vermont, (where most roads are in class C condition, and unpaved, mountainous, and clogged with deer, moose and a occasional flatlander from Boston) it is also legal to carry firearms.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gun_laws_in_Vermont

    …”The state of Vermont neither issues nor requires a permit to carry a weapon on one’s person, openly or concealed. This permissive stance on gun control known in the US as Constitutional carry, since one’s “permit” is said to be the constitution. For many decades, Vermont was the only state where this was the case (hence the alternative term Vermont carry).[2] Vermont law does not distinguish between residents and non-residents of the state; both have the same right to carry permit-free while in Vermont…”

    Consequently crime is low and people on the roads are most polite.

    Good post :)

    Like

    • RightyPunditry
      February 23, 2015

      Apologies — I just found 3 of your comments that Spam had captured. Sorry… and I’m tired of WP doing this.

      Like

  2. Jim Zee
    February 21, 2015

    This is scream funny and a good reason to stay OUT of large cities altogether. Boston drivers and traffic are very similar to those described above, and I won’t even get into what it’s like in New York City.

    Here in rural Vermont, where most roads are in class C condition, and unpaved, mountainous, and clogged with deer, moose and a occasional flatlander from Boston, it is also legal to carry firearms.

    …”The state of Vermont neither issues nor requires a permit to carry a weapon on one’s person, openly or concealed. This permissive stance on gun control known in the US as Constitutional carry, since one’s “permit” is said to be the constitution. For many decades, Vermont was the only state where this was the case (hence the alternative term Vermont carry).[2] Vermont law does not distinguish between residents and non-residents of the state; both have the same right to carry permit-free while in Vermont…”–wikipedia

    Consequently crime is low and people on the roads are most polite.

    Good post :)

    Like

  3. RightyPunditry
    February 23, 2015

    Yes, it’s definitely funny — except to those unwilling victims who are caught in endless week ‘rush hours’. A 30 min. drive “across town” takes 2 hr on a good day. TXDOT is endless building, digging up and filling in roads and yet, they’re all in disrepair. The comment about 6 hr. ‘rush hour’ is actually correct……….. I blame it on the ‘burb’ peeps who live in the burbs but want to work ACROSS TOWN. LOL I’m longing for small town life again.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Jim Zee
    February 23, 2015

    Yep funny’s not the right word although sometimes I chuckle inappropriately at other’s distress -= shame on me.

    Agreed– small town or rural life’s the future for me.

    If you take the boy off the farm, the man regrets it later.

    >> I think the spam filter caught the url I put in. It does that to me sometimes too. No problemo.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. RightyPunditry
    February 24, 2015

    Not sure about the spam filter…. it does this often to those who’ve had ‘approval’.

    Like

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This entry was posted on February 20, 2015 by in Humor, Miscellaneous and tagged , , , , , .

Ronald Reagan

"Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction. We didn't pass it to our children in the bloodstream. It must be fought for, protected, and handed on for them to do the same, or one day we will spend our sunset years telling our children and our children's children what it was once like in the United States where men were free." Ronald Reagan
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