"The heart of the wise inclines to the right, but the heart of the fool to the left." Ecclesiastes 10:2
As we all should know by now, our “crazy Uncle Joe” Biden, V.P. of the U.S. (which means he’s a heartbeat away from becoming our next ‘dear leader’), made a public statement regarding women defending themselves from intruders with a shotgun. No need for those pesky handguns or politically tagged “assault weapons” with all those evil bullets! No, he’s called for a shotgun. (http://www.cbsnews.com/video/watch/?id=50141392n)
I would like to humbly make a few suggestions:
First to address is that we would need our benevolent government to supply these weapons, aka shotguns, which crazy Uncle Joe recommended. It wouldn’t be fair for all the females who aren’t able to afford such weaponry on their own . . . . and after all, why should they bear the expense? If Uncle Sam is paying for birth control, throw in a shotgun too, which can legally be considered part of birth control too! Correct?
Once all females have their SG’s, we must consider the ramifications:
Uncle Joey’s suggest was that his little woman was to go out on their balcony to use said shotgun. We know, being part of that
evil “1%” of the wealthiest of the wealthy, the Biden’s have a balcony . . . whereas most of us females do not. This doesn’t past the Democrat mandated “fairness” test, now does it. And since this is an intricate part of ‘Democrats Recommend Female Defense Method’, government should also provide those balconies.
Secondly … thirdly…. well, whatever. . . . realizing the Biden’s live in a “1%” neighborhood, they must be surrounded by fellow Liberal Democrats (since we know that’s where most true wealth resides). Therefore, we must also known that these Democrat neighbors are likely to be offended by the: ownership of shotguns (key word is “gun”), the use of said shotgun and the offensive noise which results. And if said projectiles happen to hit it’s target, there would likely be blood splatter which might require HazMat or other cleanup crews. eww, who wants that?
My suggestion is this:
Instead of our government spending money on shotguns, pellets and balconies, our dear Obama regime should simply require women to use what the majority already have! No, not their bladders, but their voice! Scream, “BANG! BANG!” toward that feared intruder, potential intruder or plausible rapist. He would get the idea who had a gun, wouldn’t he!
Of course, this must requite a government Bang Bang Usage License and at least a 100 or so hours of class time. Females need to know precisely how to make the correct ‘banging’ sound and how to direct their ‘Bangs’. I recommend that for best results, all Bangs should be directed at the cranium, just in case any potential intruders and/ or rapists are amongst the ‘Walking Dead’. And we all know, ONLY a head shot successful ‘take them out’. (I can verify this since I’ve seen it on TV).
Fifthly…. lastly, knowing how to make the correct Bang sound is required as to not offend or frighten those Liberal Democrat neighbors, their pets or guest. Who wants a dinner party interrupted by “Banging” neighbors without forewarning?! Therefore, might I also propose that all female abodes be required to post a sign stating, “This Is A Band Zone”.
I have deeply pondered this scenario and have concluded it could be quite ‘successful’ (as define by Liberal dictionary). There would be no necessity for an evil gun and would cut down on proposed government spending, so same money could be more usefully directed at more Welfare, Food Stamps and Unemployment for Americans and
illegals “Undocumented Americans”. This is bound to be a ‘win win’ all around!
** signed, Your Concern, Compassionate Democrat Non- Drone Thinker
(** let me clarify for any Liberals and Democrats who might read this article: this is Satire. I, the writer, am not a Liberal nor Democrat, but poking pun at the ludicrous rhetoric we hear from both)